This morning at 7:00 a.m. Mass, I offered my prayers for everyone who is lonely or hurt or suffering during this Christmas Season. This post is for all those people who find this holiday season painful. Christmas is like a great magnifying glass which magnifies the good and the bad indiscriminately. When things are good, the Christmas season can make it seem even better. When things are bad, the Christmas season can make life seem heartbreakingly horrendous. If all is well in your world, you may stop here and find something more pertinent to read. Just remember to be sensitive when gushing about your holidays. The last thing you want to do is inadvertantly rub it in.
For those of you who are somewhat or very miserable this holiday season, I simply want to reach out and acknowledge your pain. You are not alone. Not by a longshot. You are not a failure because your reality does not match your heart’s desire. How often do all the stars align perfectly for anyone? My guess is that it’s not as often as you’d think.
When people are lonely or down, they often turn to social media to escape. The problem during Christmas is that if you spend time on social media you can get a warped sense of reality that only makes you feel worse. It looks like everyone is having the best times of their lives with their happy and healthy families, surrounded by good friends and loving significant others. Of course, people generally don’t post their dirty laundry on social media, nor should they. We don’t need to advertise our pains and shortcomings – it’s just not appropriate.
But do not be deceived.
Scratch the surface of any human being and you’ll find someone who is concerned or struggling about something. I’m sure lots of people are genuinely happy, but I’m also sure that lots of people look a lot happier than they really are. Don’t let that social media tidal wave of real or fake happiness in the other houses on the street make you feel worse. Truth be told, most of us live most of our lives somewhere in the middle. There is joy amidst the pain, precious embers of warmth even while experiencing cold and crushing personal disappointments.
You may be lonely. You may be hurt. You may be deeply, deeply frustrated. If so, scrolling through Instagram or Facebook is not going to be very helpful at this time of the year. Here are three simple suggestions for you:
- Don’t blow your own situation out of proportion. Lots of people silently feel awful. You’re not the only one. Remember that the Christ-child was born under stressful and unpleasant circumstances. Terrifying even. It is important to count your blessings. Cultivate that habit of gratitude for what you have, not sorrow over what you lack.
- Don’t begrudge other people their happiness. It’s good that they are happy. Very good. Be happy FOR them, and WITH them. Do this sincerely and without any self-pity. It’ll give you something to take your mind off your own pain. If you can’t do it perfectly, then fake it. You’ll never regret this.
- Don’t squander your suffering. Take it from a 3 time cancer patient: suffering can be offered as a powerful and effective prayer. Take your suffering, wrap it up in a Christmas bow and humbly give it back to God, asking Him to to transform it (and transform you) into something beautiful.
Be brave, be strong, and have courage. Christ loves you very much. You might not always feel it, but I assure you that He does!
January 3, 2019 at 1:30 pm
God Bless you Mr. Durso.
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December 31, 2018 at 12:21 am
Thanks, Robert. I needed that. Merry Christmas.
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December 27, 2018 at 1:15 pm
Inspired by Fr. Rohr…
My Advent Prequel to “Footprints (In The Sand)”
Self-centered lifetime. Tiresome battle lost.
Shameful failure? Wasted effort?
Curled into a sobbing, wretched, unhappy heap.
Alone, lying on your own desert’s sands.
Every ounce of energy, all toil of a lifetime…
NOW fulfilled??
A finger, parched, trembling, raised to one eye.
Tap its pool of tears, running them thin,
to see through the blur.
The relentless desert sun won’t blind you.
An unexpected shadow is cast across the
lifetime pool of tears that soaks into dead sand.
Shade from shame and scorching self desertion.
The tapped eye sees a blurry shred of sackcloth.
A garment’s hem rests on sandaled toes.
Stretch out your parched hand.
Touch a withered finger to that coarse fabric.
From that cloak, a hand extends.
EVERY tear vanquished. At once.
New tears – very different – flow. Unstoppably.
A wellspring so deep within. Never before fully felt.
Feel it now. Don’t wrestle floodgates within.
Epic struggle. Ordained end.
Rivers of tears baptize a new creation.
Every ounce of lifetime energy poured out
has prepared the way of the Lord.
That garment takes you up, in its arms.
Powerful. Gentle. You tremble at tenderness.
Carrying you from this new birthplace.
In His wake, one set of footprints.
Cool evening descends. Refreshment.
You’re set upon your own feet. Refreshed.
At His side. He at yours.
Two sets of feet imprint the sand.
Onward in silence. For a time. Then,
Distant song floats on a breeze.
From the sky?
Whispering beneath the growing song,
“Yeshua, where to?”
“The City of David.”
A bright star draws your eyes.
And He is gone.
Shepherds appeared. Their pilgrimage: To Light.
Above the sonorous din of bleating lambs,
words of the chorus grow clear.
Carried by the parade,
your heart and tongue join the hosts in song.
“O come, all ye faithful…”
[–Neil Durso (c) 2018. Advent Prequel to “Footprints (In The Sand).” 2nd Sunday of Advent. A.D. 2018]
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December 25, 2018 at 10:37 am
Great message and reminder. Merry Christmas.
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December 24, 2018 at 11:00 pm
One of the most simply beautiful things I’ve ever read. Thank you for these words. Merry Christmas, Mr. Kloska.
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December 24, 2018 at 6:30 pm
Blessings to you and your family my friend!
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