I wrote this more than a month ago as a social media post, but never got around to posting it to the blog. Publishing it now – better late than never! Haha!

Thoughts from the Side of the House…

Yes, the actual place, the Side of the House, still exists. I use it mostly on warm summer nights to sit in the darkness, sip scotch, listen to 30s and 40s big band era music, and just ponder life’s mysteries. The sounds are familiar. A quiet breeze through the trees. A train in the distance. The rhythmic clicking of the sprinkler. And crickets.

I’ve now been sitting here on summer nights doing the same thing for 22 years. It never gets old.

Today I did my monthly Confession. Every thirty days or so I go into the confessional and acuse myself of some awful things. It’s one place where I don’t hold back. The surprise is that the more honest and detailed I am about my public and secret failings, the better I feel when the priest – standing in the place of Jesus – absolves me of my sins. Once in a while I even get some good advice, but that’s not why I go. I go to seek forgiveness.

If you’re Catholic and havent been to Confession in a while, maybe it’s time to get back in there. Not only does it bring relief, but it also brings clarity and special graces to live a better life. I highly recommend it.

Today it made me resolve to stop feeling sorry for myself and start living more in gratitude. Too often I get frustrated and wallow in self-pity. That’s like drinking poison. Such a good insight in my confession today – the Holy Spirit at work.

Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.

Tonight I am grateful for many things, but what immediately comes to mind is my health problems, especially my difficulty speaking. This has really been frustrating and depressing me lately, especially because I rely on my voice to earn a living. Seems like I’m always fighting my life battles with one arm tied behind my back. But if I am honest, I have to admit that I’ve often been guilty of talking too much, of dominating conversations. And too many times I have hurt or embarrassed or scandalized someone by my mean, careless, negative, or inappropriate words. Or in an effort to say something funny, I actually say something hurtful.

Now God has blessed me with a great difficulty in speaking. It literally discourages me from even trying. This changes the way I think because it’s so difficult to express my thoughts. I can’t argue with people very well because I can’t interrupt or talk over them. I am forced to shut up and let others do the talking. So I listen more. And better. And I hurt fewer people’s feelings. I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to say every thought that comes to my head. Sometimes less is more. Oftentimes unwanted limitations can be good for us.

Not being able to speak looks likes a curse, but it is actually a blessing. I am thankful to God that He has limited me in this way because it makes me more the guy He created me to be. I’m better when I step back and listen to others more, better when I don’t talk too much. And isn’t that what life is all about: discovering and becoming the person you were created to be? That’s why I feel gratitude for all this. It’s actually easier to be virtuous when vice becomes more difficult.

Right now with my voice what it is, I am called to just shut up most of the time. When it’s so challenging to use words, I use a lot fewer of them, but I use them more thoughtfully and deliberately. I am grateful to have been blessed with my voice problems. Think of it as unsolicited assistance in my efforts to grow into being the man that God wants me to be. It’s very helpful.

Good night.